57. im going to jeff the kill you.
creepypasta was such a huge part of my childhood. i think that pretty much gives away two things: 1) an estimate of my age and 2) i probably shouldn't have been given unsupervised internet access that young ago.
(please don't laugh) that said i was one of those kids who had fictional crushes some of the major faces of the "genre". (please don't laugh) i would make an oc just to imagine shit like jeff the killer turning into jeff the kisser. and he'd kiss. my oc. and live happily ever after. please don't laugh. Please don't laugh.
but yes! creepypasta was a huge part of my stupid baby life!! granted i barely remember what i read, never watched marble hornets1 out of genuine fear that the Slenderman will get me, read majora's mask and understood none of it and gave up midway because i was too poor to afford the actual game let alone have the console... yep, i'd say i was a pretty huge fan of 2010 era internet horror :)2
i bring this up because a fascinating video came up my youtube feed. i watched through davis morgan's "a literary analysis of jeff the killer" on my walk yesterday, and it just dawned on me how much i forgot the entirety of jeff the kisser's story. where was the part where my oc came in and
okay. jokes aside. i knew the original story was bad, but i didn't think it was hilarious as well. like, hilariously bad3. it's at a point where it's so bad that i find it so endearing and so it loops back into this strange feeling of nostalgia and fondness for the "cringe" aspect of it. but yeah no this is bad.
still. i'd take the bad creepypasta any day. coupled with the iconic image attached to it (which in contrast actually DOES still terrify me), it makes the original jeff story way more memorable. davis makes the same point in his analysis, and makes an equally interesting point in his video "creepypasta was important": creepypastas and internet horror is still important because it's something that someone MADE. that meant that someone took the time to sit down, write their ideas, and then publish it online for free for people to (hopefully) enjoy.
i can't stress enough how creation - the act of creating things - is so important to me, especially in a time where AI churns out more and more slop. a time where we're pretty much conditioned to consume things for the benefit of Big Tech. it's not even just that, but it's so easy to make something bad nowadays and become the butt of the joke for weeks on end over on a shitty platform like twitter.
it's like you can't even make bad art nowadays. which is ridiculous because even the most talented person you know STARTED with bad art!!
and if you're discouraged from the act of creation, it all loops back to consuming!! stupid techbros make AI art because they probably fear to put in the work and fail a couple of times whereas a machine could do it ""flawlessly"" in an instant. or honestly they might actually be stupid, i don't know. there's just so much emphasis on instant gratification and the need to get things so good so perfect on the first try nowadays. it's absolutely exhausting, and i say this as someone who used to suffer the same thing4.
this circles back to jeff the killer again, sorry. the general belief is that this is probably some teenager's first attempts or so to create a creepypasta. in a simpler time where it isn't that scary to mess up yet - or maybe it was, and i was just too young to wrap my head around it. and maybe it's pretty bad, but i still have to respect someone who actually gets their stories out there. unlike some people.
really, it's simple. you either make something, or you never make it at all. whether it's good or bad, just be proud that you made the thing. and if you aren't: you can still go back. you can always come back to your art.
this topic really ties in with my previous blog post actually. unintentionally. maybe it just echoes the same point, but i don't mind. this topic is really dear to me.
earlier, i saw a fun little review of said previous blog post. very nice! i didn't think i'd get featured in these sort of things, but this is genuinely very neat and i definitely got giddy haha :) !! that blog of mine was moreso about the importance of creating with only you as the audience in mind, but it definitely goes hand in hand with "the acceptability of making terrible shit". this current blog definitely highlights more of that message, i will say.
like absolutely man! go make garbage! as long as it's human and as long as it's true to you. in the same review i got some pretty entertaining comments on my blog's css, falling in that same vein of "adorable shittiness". i am personally taking that as a compliment, haha! i've made sure to really express myself through my blog's theme :] !! and if personal style is subjective, then i'd say receiving comments like these means that i've definitely accomplished that feat. woohoo!!
which is ironic because i do have plans to change up the theme here soon! i wanna have a rotation of themes i can personally use on here, i'm thinking... like dress up for my blog!! i already have the idea to make a minimalistic but colorful theme...
this is all a story for another day though :p
links of interest:
🍀 email me? angelais@protonmail.com
if you're too shy, you can sign my guestbook anonymously! 
"Jeff the Killer." the original masterpiece in all its glory. i vaguely remember reading a rewrite that i loved as well, but i can't remember any of the details in it. oh well!! fair warning for the iconic image though. it's still scary to me.
ps: on another side note, all this talk makes me tempted to one day make my own internet horror. that'd be a fun project. or those rpgmaker horror games. no ideas so far. uhhh. maybe one day.
i probably should at some point.↩
this reveals a third thing: i was a stupid illiterate kid↩
okay so possibly my favorite part. in the story, they make SUCH a huge deal out of some 10 year old's birthday party and it's the funniest thing for me. the absolute tone shift of seeing jeff be so devastated over his brother being mistakenly sent to juvie to "jeff we HAVE to attend little billy's birthday party." another one of my favorite parts where he just punches this guy in the heart and he dies LMFAO↩
i talked about it too in my previous blog on picking up art again, doing the things that make me happy despite mistakes. since then, the simple act of Having Fun while creating has become so important to me.↩