28. dream diary π€
if it isn't obvious at this point, all of my dreams are a jumbled mess... today, i feel like, i'm starting to remember a good chunk of it. maybe not in a chronological order though :( !! my brain just groggily types up what it can gather, and then hours later i sit down to document it here.
i don't really think much people read this. even if they do, these more personal entries have... personal things! personal things that, as a result of differing contexts, people may not fully understand. which i think is nice, actually! sometimes i feel like i babble about embarrassing thingsβbut it's like my little secret here!
- real life context: my younger brother goes back to school today after his operation. i've acted as his guardian in the hospital, so it's funny that in this dream i'm in the classroom with him as a guardian.
- but the teacher acts like i'm a student?? weird, but she was demanding that i pass my filipino class notebook to her for end of year clearance!! and i had nothing!! nor did i like writing legible notes in any of my actual classes the first place... so she shames me in front of actual students which are way younger than me. and high schoolers can get so mean, man!!
- for some reason (academic self-consciousness), i tried to excuse myself by saying "well, i was attending to my sibling's medical needs and was also in the hospital with him, soβ" but the kids started booing me
- the very next day i bought 2 huge eggplants to school. i think it's for a home livelihood class, the one where they have cooking in the curriculum. i wanted to cook something healthy. also children needed nutrition, i think?
- i don't know how that turned out. because somehow it was already august. in the philippines, our education has something called "buwan ng wika" or language month, in filipino. i had my traditional clothes all ready, and i really wanted to change into it tbh. it was my red baro't saya from my own childhood, but since i haven't grown much (eternally stuck at my height), it still fit. i was very happy! i wasn't allowed to change yet, though.
- i looked around the classroom and found an old friend of mine too, noel. it was the first time i noticed him, and he said he brought his barong too. i was relieved i wasn't the only one who thought about dressing up. that was his only appearance, and the scene changes again.
- i was hanging out in the study room at home, with my buddy zack. he was flipping through his book, and then asked me if i wanted it. at first i thought (from the wording) he was writing a book, but it wasn't like that. he gave me an art book from the invincible show...? comics? sorry, i'm not familiar with superhero media!!
- what i noticed about this copy though, was that it SUCKS. the cover had this scratchy, cheap plastic texture. and the pages are a very thin newsprint. for an art book, it was printed in black and white, and the pages looked like it was a bootleg!! pages were pictures taken from a camera, compiled into a pdf, and then printed like so. blah!!
- and it reminded me of some of MY books! i once got scammed regretfully (also applies to real life)... so i showed him my copy of osamu dazai's no longer human, how its quality is similar. also the fact that, in the second half of the book, it isn't even the same book anymore!! (funny story, i was so mad when i figured this out in real life - to be fair the very cheap deal on it was too good to be true)
- we both had a good laugh about it. and the scene changes, suddenly i'm coughing and wheezing violently. breathing was hard, like i just finished exercising intensely.
- but there was this stranger! i couldn't tell who he was, but he said he was a childhood friend of mine....? i didn't doubt him. he looked like one too, i think. i just couldn't tell. anyway, he was troubling himself with setting up my nebulizers and other asthma devices i don't know about. i keep telling him he doesn't have to, but he insisted on taking care of me...? he's like a doctor, actually trained to do these sorts of things. but he was very careful and kind about it too... which i really liked. he really did feel like a childhood friend, which was very comforting. and confusing!! but very comforting.
- at some point i had to go to church, and then i couldn't find my doctor stranger buddy... i got so sad :( but church was starting and they were singing songs. i'm not a religious person, i don't even know what i was doing there. got dragged, i think.
- and then i started to cough and woke up.
i still have a cough now, which sucks. i wanna be taken care of!! but unfortunately, i have to do things by myself. i think of how nice it'd be to have the comfort of my (sweet) partner, but they live oceans away from me... maybe i'll make myself some tea later.
i dream a lot of my childhood and school days. i haven't had the best one, admittedly. sometimes i think it's my brain trying to give me a "proper one" through my dreams. keyword, trying. sometimes i get nightmares of this time. hooray unresolved childhood trauma!
links of interest:
π email me? angelais@protonmail.com