05. no longer human (osamu dazai) [π 10/10]
in which we watch a traumatized clown's visceral spiral into despair. and then afterwards, oblivion. [10/10]
spoilers ahead!
no longer human. now i'm not, and have never been, a book reader by any means. it's been probably 5 or so years since i last picked up an actual piece of literature. and finished it, even. but when i saw this title recommended to me in a local shopping app, something about it just called to me.. and not just because of my previous associations of this author to.. popular media figures in anime (i have never even finished bsd i am a fraud)
around that time, that was december of 2024... i was (and still am) was trying to scramble and look for art that could speak to me in some way (fun fact: this was how i came to watch good will hunting but wasn't impressed at all with how they handled trauma), and that title expresses a feeling that i have unfortunately felt all my life. no longer human. or in some translations, "disqualified from being a human". put in simple words. and so as an impulse buy, i got myself a copy.
let me sidetrack for a bit. funny story, the book i got was SO cheap that it actually turned out to be a bootleg. that reprinted a version with soo many typos, and THEN it changes to a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BOOK midway!!! i think it was another dazai book which is so funny but what the fuck man!!! i got soo frustrated i spent an entire night digging out a 10 year old ipad to repurpose it into a budget "e reader" and i do not regret this decision at all cuz it rocks. i'll sooo be reading more books on it. aah, i'm getting so sidetracked. back to the entry!!!
safe to say this has become one of my favorite books of all time now. yozo oba is a fascinating case of a man. in the author's note of the translation i'm reading, the translator mentioned that yozo is perhaps supposed to reflect how japanese intellectuals at the time insist on their otherness despite wanting to be recognized by something far greater than their peers. the translator then brings up the west and all thay stuffβand like.. i kind of see it, i guess? while yeah, contextually, japan was facing huge social changes at the time of dazai authoring the book, causing him to feel a sort of alienation as times rapidly change. as he grapples with his identity. dazai does not fit in, no matter how hard he tries. and that can be a scary thing.
the beauty of yozo oba as a character, though, is how he stands the test of time... from being a reflection of the volatile, alienating culture of the 20s all the way to the 40s(?), his struggles is still as relevant today because they aren't JUST rooted in the fact that his intellect separates him from the world (good will hunting, you can learn from this). he actually goes through SEVERAL and REPEATED things from an early age that literally traumatizes him. even being constantly sick was enough to warrant some sort of trauma and effect in his development, y'know? imagine being so isolated as a kid, and feeling more fragile than anyone else your age. and his dad was cold, not to mention all the sexual abuse he had to go through haunting him all the way to adulthood. unlike the author, i don't think yozo insists on his otherness. he just can't help but act the way he does as a defense mechanism. in fact, he even begs god to "acquaint him with the true natures of 'human beings'". he wants badly to be someone other than himself, that, out of fear, he masks around his peers for a good majority of his life and betrays what is true to him.
i think yozo's "lack of humanity" is what makes him paradoxically very human. he's as human as anyone who has struggled with trauma in the past. as anyone who struggles to form an identity, thus turning to things that may or may not be vicesβto seemingly harmless things like overconsumption to fill whatever hole we have in our chests and in our ceaselessly cruel thoughts. when i read this book, i was curious enough to see what other's people's thoughts on it, and i wasn't surprised to see that so many people connected with him. i connected with him too, as someone who probably needs to be diagnosed for c-ptsd whose thoughts seem so parallel to yozo's to a scary degree... that's why people love it so much. it's visceral to a VERY uncomfortable, but honest degree. seriously, it's like the dude's life progressively gets worse and worse the more you turn the pages.
Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness.
Everything passes.
it's hopelessly comical. you'd think that surely, all his suffering must amount to something, but no. it ends just as you'd expect it to end (no this isn't spoilers cuz the prologue already lets you know the nature of yozo's life upfront)... and there's more to this, of course. and the ending isn't as important as the spiral in itself. once the latter contextualizes the book's closing lines, it leaves you horrified and stunned at how miserable such a man's life could be. some people think yozo still had a good few years after that closer, but personally, i find it more thematic to know that he died at that point when he (spoiler) (won't say please just read the book). died as a laughable husk of a man, who is non-feeling. not even happy or miserable. god even just surrendering his feelings to nothingness adds a layer to his lack of humanity that it's just so painfully raw..
my thoughts on that epilogue... this single paragraph is a bit of a spoiler so just skip to the next if you're not all about that. his notebooks almost feel like a cry for helpβi don't know for what other reason they could be written, when yozo himself calls his life one of shame. like, if he were that mortified of his life, he'd kept all his feelings to the grave... but no. which is why they strike to me as a desperate plea to try to be understood. maybe then he'd feel human too in the end, if one had at least tried to... and so it's unfortunate that in the epilogue, the bar owner despite having read his notebooks, seems to dismiss all of it and call him an angel. perfect and flawless, as if disregarding his true feelings and mental health. first of all, the root is beyond his father. and then to call yozo the barkeep knew "amusing" completely proves his point that his clowning did work. that in the end, the reader of the notebook is still a victim of his facade. so no, i don't think that the barkeep's statement holds any merit.
this book is brilliant. it disturbs and comforts me at the same time. i saw someone say "trauma robs you of who you're meant to be" in relation to this book and the childhood experiences of yozo, and it truly is sad... finishing this book left me at the same state of shock as finishing oyasumi punpun. if that's anything. i don't know.
links of interest:
π email me? angelais@protonmail.com